It’s gonna take awhile…
I’ve never had to deal with death. I’m one of the very few people who have never had someone that they were particularly close to die. With that said, the death of my cat has been tough. I hope this will be my last Xanga entry about the subject, but I hope that my friends, my readers, will understand that this is tough for me for various reasons.
1.) My cat was my life-long best friend. I told her everything even though she didn’t know what I was saying nor could she respond. But sometimes I knew she understood, especially when I was hurting, because she would put her paw on my hand and give me kiss. This subtle gesture comforted me during my tumultuous teenage years and I’ll miss it.
2.) She was like my sister. Jenny, in particular, knows this because being away from my cat freshman year was hard. Sometimes I’d look forward to going home just so I could see her. Who cares about the parents, right ? And sure enough, like a puppy almost, she’d be there to greet me. In fact, she’d sometimes follow me around the house for days, being just the sweetest thing. But, at other times, she was genuinely Lucifer. We’d fight. Physically. She’d bite and swipe, and I’d just push her around. But isn’t that what siblings do?
3.) Sometimes it felt like she was my only friend. Growing up, I had close friends, but they were never a real constant in my life. My cat was. No matter what kind of day I had had, no matter how many people pissed me off or vice versa, she was my cat at the end of the day. She’d sleep at the end of my bed at night. She’d visit me when I’d watch TV. And she glared at me (tee hee) when I bothered her.
So in short, she was like a sister, a child or something. Maybe I was way too close to her, but I’ve always been closer to her than most of my friends. I used to claim I could communicate with her because I could understand her meows and she’d understand my tone of voice. If I’m upset this week, I’m sorry. I’ve never had these feelings of emptiness before. I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t know how to respond to it but to be upset.
But I know I’ll get over it and be okay in the end. So just stick around. I’ll be me again soon…I hope.
These are just a couple of pictures of her.
Life sucks sometimes.
In other news…I’ll be living in Houston this summer, so Lauren, we’ll get to hang out some! Yay!
…You are my cat and I am your human.