Category Archives: Family

Pensive Thoughts

For the last 12 hours, I have been in a pensive mood. I have reflected on my life and I don’t like what I see. The path I’m on does not lead anywhere, but I fear I don’t have the strength to find a new one. To blaze a new path if you will. There are some options on the table, but I’m going to think very carefully about any action since I feel will affect the lives of Brooklyn, Jonathan, and me.

To continue on my path to happiness, however, here is my Day 2 challenge.

Write down one meaningful thing that has happened to you in the last 24 hours.

The impetus for my deep thoughts about life is due to something that happened last night. After we put B to sleep, we decided to have a few drinks. Between the wine and vodka, I got pretty buzzed. Not drunk, but I wouldn’t have been able to drive had it been needed. I’m not proud of this by any means; it’s just an integral part to what happens. Then, B woke up. She did not want to sleep because she had taken a 5 hour nap during the day (big mistake, but that’s another story). However, she needed to go to bed. I decided to lay down with her in hopes that she would fall asleep. We then had a very tender, meaningful moment:

She curled up beside me, put my arm around her, and gave me a kiss.

So simple. Something she’s done a million times. But at that moment, I realized that I really, really need to do things different. For her. For me. For my relationship. I’m not happy and drinking is no longer fun. I’m not sure what is going to be different at the moment because I want it to be lasting. But I’m sure I’ll detail my journey here.

Three things I’m grateful for:

1. I’m grateful to be a citizen of the USA. We aren’t perfect, but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. America has beauty in its land and in its people. It’s just our celebrities and politicians that are ridiculous.

2. I’m grateful for my computer. It’s a window to the outside world. An escape. And it keeps me sane.

3. I’m grateful for arts and crafts. I love painting and I’ve passed that love along to my daughter.  We had a great time today playing with the paints.

I’ll leave you with a quote from the great Dr. Seuss, one I will be embracing this week:

You’re off to great places
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So get on your way! – Oh the Places You’ll Go!

Tagged ,